The process of teaching and learning at its best is largely one of influencing. We send words and actions toward learners with the hopes of conveying knowledge and imparting valuable skills. The best kind of learning takes place in an atmosphere of openness where individuals have choice over their actions along with the willingness to follow through. We know this from our experience. Living in an imperfect world we also know that moving in valued directions often involves coming into contact with internal and external barriers. Those we are attempting to influence will definitely have thoughts, ideas and actions that differ from our own. What do we do?

Unpleasant learning experiences can feel like we’re trapped. Our minds can unwittingly set the trap for us. One of the big traps is the thought “I gotta make ’em ________”. It is a gorgeous trap because we become convinced that whatever we are doing is “right” and whatever is going on around us is “wrong”. Once we latch onto this thought it usually leads us to do or say things that compel others to do something. What usually shows up in learners who feel compelled or forced is some version of “I don’t want to do________”. And so it goes…

The Matrix can be used to help us notice the trap and continue to move toward leaning. One way to play it is to do a quick matrix on ourselves (see Matrix on the Fly post 12/11/11) to get some psychological flexibility going. Once that happens we may discover or that our experience informs us that we don’t make anybody do anything. We can however look for ways to help learners move toward learning. We can offer them choices where they get to choose behaviors. Choice gives people  a way out of being stuck and ownership over the process without telling them what to do. “I”(the “me” in the middle of the matrix) have choice and so it becomes my idea. I also get to “not choose” which is really choosing not to choose. When this process get cooking educators and learners are collaborating and noticing together what works and what doesn’t. We can also invite the learner (or learners) to do the matrix with us and notice what they might come up with on their own. Either way psychological flexibility can influence teachers and learners to “yes” and bring the unwanted thoughts and feelings along for the ride.