I work with many students who find themselves in difficult situations. Each one has unique and challenging learning and behavioral issues.

They can be struggling in kindergarten, melting down in middle school or losing steam in high school. They appear frustrated, discouraged, disconnected or disengaged. Many have felt like giving up, lashing out or throwing in the towel.

The teachers of these students work very hard to meet their learning, social and emotional needs. They are dedicated and invested. Doing this kind of work is rewarding, challenging and emotionally draining. While working to make a difference, the staff can feel just as upset as their students.

Helping out can get pretty heavy.

What students and teachers need is a way to help them work together to overcome obstacles and take on the challenge of learning academic skills, developing themselves, and being all they can be. It takes time, patience and lots of compassion on behalf of teachers, specialists and others. There are no quick fixes and change occurs over days, weeks and sometimes years.

To help everyone move toward effective teaching and learning, I have developed a dynamic approach that allows everyone to move forward. I teach everyone in the classroom how to increase satisfaction and decrease stress. You probably have not heard anything about it yet; but learning how to harness this process will give you and those you serve a happier, healthier, and more collaborative classroom.

My mission is to help everyone in schools learn to act with something known as psychological flexibility.

Psychological flexibility is the ability to “notice” what you are doing, to be aware of what is showing up inside of you, and choosing what works to get you where you want to go, even in the presence of obstacles. The term was coined by Dr. Steve Hayes and colleagues to denote an evidenced-based process that seeks to increase valued living while reducing suffering ( see reference at the end of this article )

Current research (see Kashdan and Rottenberg reference below) supports promoting psychological flexibility for a wide variety of behavioral issues that extends to the classroom and beyond. It is the cornerstone of mental health.

When we “notice” something, we become aware of it “in-the-moment.” Awareness of what we are doing leads to having choices about how to respond or make necessary changes. Each day we experience unwelcome challenges that show up outside of us as difficult situations like flat tires, conflicts with others, and not enough time and resources to accomplish what we want. Then some challenges come from inside of us by way of unwanted thoughts, feelings, moods, and urges. All of these things can bog us down and make things more difficult.

The same holds for students and especially those that experience a lot of stress and discomfort when it comes to school and learning.

Students that struggle socially and emotionally are less psychologically flexible. They spend a lot of time dealing with uncomfortable thoughts, feelings and urges and are easily overwhelmed and frustrated. They have less energy to do what matters to them like making friends and being successful in school ( they all do want these things by the way, even if they say otherwise ). They get stuck in their thinking and pay less attention to what is going on around them. When this happens, they get stuck in their actions as well and end up with fewer choices.

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It is the midway point in most classrooms and schools. It is a natural time for educators to pause and take stock. The pause can often feel like what is known as, “the slump”. The daily grind of working to make a difference can take on a heaviness and your bag of tricks is getting lighter.

Your students may also be experiencing the mid-year slump and if they are seniors they may be looking to pack it in. Things may not be looking good. Hopes and dreams may begin to fade and are replaced with gnawing feelings of inadequacy, ineffectiveness, and resignation.

Slumps happen all the time. Baseball players get them. Real estate and insurance agents have them. Restaurants and businesses go through them. If you fear you or those you serve are in one, you are not alone. There are ways out and I want to share a process that you can use now to get you back in the game.

The first step is to notice that you are in one! Give yourself some credit for acknowledging that you or your students/colleagues/co-workers are victims of a slump. Naming what is troubling you is the beginning of doing something about it.

Next, you will want to get some perspective on your situation. It just so happens that the matrix works like a charm to get perspective AND bust up slumps. It was built for anyone who gets stuck. So get out a piece of paper and draw this:

In the lower right, jot down who is important to you. Extra points if you also jot down what is important to you. Take your time. When you have your list take a moment to notice how you feel looking at you important stuff and let it sink in.

In the lower left, jot down the “S” word ( that would be “slump” for you creative or impulsive types). Now add whatever shows up in your mind that shows up along with the slump. Take a good look at that yucky stuff and notice how that feels.

In the upper left, jot down your favorite thing you do to get away from all of that yucky stuff down below ( complain, avoid, check your texts, leave, exercise ). Notice that your yucky stuff is still there and has not gone away.

Finally, in the upper right, record what you would want to be doing if that dastardly slump and yucky stuff weren’t messing things up for you. You would do these things to move toward your important people and things that are still there, waiting for you to show up.

Congratulations! You have given yourself a slump-busting road map. Now you want to go and try a few of those toward moves. You may also throw in a few of those away move too, just for fun. Notice how your toward and away moves are working to help you move past your slump and toward who and what matters to you.

The Challenge: Do a matrix everyday and notice what happens.

You can watch a brief video on other keys to improving school performance, and get a copy of my free rapid action plan by clicking here.

How can you get students working together? How do you go about achieving common goals in a classroom, school or organization?

How do you get reluctant, discouraged or troubled learners on board and relating?

I am conducting two half day workshops on the Prosocial Matrix Communication Process (PMCP). The process is leading to great success and reducing stress with educators who are using it.

Day One will be spent teaching you how to establish a flexible point of view and practicing how to apply it for achievement, collaboration, and effective communication.

Allowing some time for you to take it to your setting and implement the process, we return on Day Two to practice, problem solve and use verbal aikido to defuse difficult interactions and relationships.

The two day combination will have you and your students discovering practical ways of learning together what works to get you where you want to go.

You will also be able to share this with your colleagues and help them discover a new and exciting perspective that changes relationships.

Here is the link to sign up:

http://njpsa.org/documents/pdf/MatrixModel-Dec2018.pdf